


I Want to Want Me

by K_Rob3



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-10 00:54:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20519297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K_Rob3/pseuds/K_Rob3
Summary: Penelope and Josie talk after the talent show. Josie finally tells Penelope what she feels and Penelope realizes that everything she wanted for Josie was already there.





	I Want to Want Me

Penelope watched from the doorway as Josie meandered onto the stage. The dim light from the empty auditorium was all that illuminated the space. She was being a little creepy, but she was on her way to Josie’s room when she saw her ex walking the hallway and decided to follow her. 

Josie stopped at center stage. Her eyes were closed and the soft smile on her face melted Penelope’s heart. 

“You were amazing tonight,” Penelope said, stepping out of the door way and walking slowly toward the stage, “You honestly took my breath away, Jojo. I nearly forgot I was supposed to be dancing.”

Josie blushed, but smiled widely, “Thank you. I can’t believe everyone cheered like that.”

“I can,” the brunette answered.

Josie turned her head away then glanced back at the other girl, “Did you follow me here?”

Penelope gave her a lopsided grin, “Kind of. Well, yes, but I wasn’t stalking you. I was on my way to your room to tell you how great you were tonight when I saw you in the hallway.”

Josie nodded and slowly spun around, taking in the stage and the now empty seats, “I felt alive tonight, Pen. I was scared to death, but as soon as I started singing, I just felt…”

“Free?” Penelope finished for her, “Powerful?”

Josie nodded as she watched her climb the stairs, “Yeah. And, it sounds stupid, but I felt beautiful.”

“You are,” Penelope said as she drew closer and reached up to cup Josie’s cheek, “You are always beautiful, Josie.”

They stared at each other for several moments. Penelope’s thumb gently caressed Josie’s cheek. Penelope wished that Josie could see herself the way she did. The way that every person in that auditorium saw her tonight. 

“I’m sorry,” Josie whispered, afraid of breaking the silence but needing to say it.

Penelope looked at her in confusion, “For what?”

Josie reached up and covered the hand on her cheek, squeezing it and leaning further into it at the same time. Her eyes filled with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings when I told you we weren’t ever getting back together,” Josie said, her heart beating so fast in her chest.

Penelope wasn’t sure how to respond. Was Josie apologizing because she didn’t mean it? Or apologizing because she did mean it but didn’t necessarily want to say it out loud?

As if reading her thoughts, Josie continued, “The truth is…I’m scared.”

Penelope rocked back a little at that confession, “Of what? Of me?”

Josie nodded, “I’m sorry. I want to be with you. I you to hold me and never let go. But I also need you to back off Lizzie.” 

Penelope’s expression immediately shut down and went blank. Josie was expecting it and just looked at her sadly. 

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Josie said, pulling Penelope’s hand away from her cheek, “I know you don’t like her. And you’re right about the way she treats me. But you do the same thing she does. You manipulate me and push me to do things because it’s what you want me to do. And when you don’t get your way, you punish me, just like she does.”

Penelope reared back like she’d been physically struck. She stared at Josie wide-eyed. 

“Jojo,” Penelope choked, “I…that’s not what I want.”

“But that’s what you do,” Josie said, “Do you honestly think I don’t know what Lizzie is? My entire life has been about deferring to her, taking care of her, talking her off ledges, balancing her. I learned a long time ago that Lizzie is Lizzie. She loves me in her own way. But she’s never going to be anything other than herself.”

“But I can’t bear to see it,” Penelope answered, tears rolling down her cheeks, “I know how strong you can be, how extraordinary you are. I know you can be more than Lizzie’s crutch.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that all I ever needed from you was to love me for me? Did you ever think that, maybe, I needed and wanted to carve out a little piece of the world for myself that was just for you and me? That I needed a safe place to land. A place where all I had to be was myself.”

Penelope began to cry. Her legs felt weak and she sank to the floor. Josie knelt in front of her, taking her hands in her own. 

“I don’t want you to fix me. I just want you to want me and love me.”

“Oh god,” Penelope sobbed and doubled over, holding her stomach, afraid she might vomit. Everything Josie was saying was right. She was so afraid for her regarding Lizzie she became just like her. Controlling, manipulative, and downright cruel and justified it as being for Josie’s own good. 

“I”m sorry,” Penelope sobbed, “I’m sorry, Josie. You’re right and I’m so sorry. I never looked at it like that. I thought I was protecting you and supporting you. I’m such an asshole.”

Josie gathered her into her arms, feeling for the first time since she’d known her that she was finally being understood. Penelope’s arms wrapped around her shoulders and her body shuddered with the force of her sobs. Josie let her tears fall silently, hope blooming faintly in her heart. When Penelope calmed, she sat back and wiped the tears from her cheeks, a ghost of a grin on her lips. 

“So, where does this leave us?” Penelope asked, “And, by the way, you still haven’t read that letter have you?”

Josie shook her head, “No. I’m afraid that it’s another ultimatum and I just don’t want to deal wit it. As for us, that kind of depends on what we both want.”

“You’re right,” Penelope looked ashamed, “Don’t read the letter. We’ll talk about it later and I’ll tell you everything that’s in it. As for what we want, I can’t speak for you, but I want you. I want us. I was such an idiot before. Everything you said was true. I can’t promise that I won’t get mad at Lizzie or challenge you when she’s pushing you around. You can’t ask that of me, Jojo. It physically hurts me to see the way she treats you, sometimes. It’s borderline abuse.”

Josie sighed, “I know. And Lizzie and I are going to have a very long talk. But I don’t have to be like her or like you in order to deal with her.”

Penelope couldn’t figure out if her heart was breaking or rejoicing. She knew what was coming. In six years, Josie and Lizzie would reach a point where one of them would cease to exist. For the first time, she looked at the situation from a different angle. Maybe Lizzie wasn’t destined to be the one to survive. 

“So, what now?” Penelope finally asked.

Josie smiled, “Tell me you love me.”

Penelope smirked, “And if I do?”

Josie caressed her cheek, “We can finally kiss, make up, and hopefully kiss some more. I love you, Penelope.”

“I love you, too,” Penelope answered.

They moved at the same time and their lips met in a kiss unlike any other they’d shared before. They each poured their hearts into it with new understanding and new hope for a future that was shaped by their past, but unburdened by it. 

When they parted, both breathing a little heavier than before, Josie said, “Can we please go to your room?”

Penelope raised a playful eyebrow, “Something on your mind, Jojo?”

“Several things, actually,” Josie answered, “But mostly, I just want fall asleep with you beside me. Despite the other stuff, you are one of about three people in my life who make me feel like I could shatter into a million pieces but you’ll hold me together and not let me scatter in the wind.”

Penelope cupped her hands around Josie’s face, staring at her intensely, “I’ll always be there, Josie. I swear. Even if this doesn’t work out between us, there won’t ever be a place you can go where I won’t find you and come back to you if you call.”

Josie kissed her again, crushing her lips to Penelope’s and nearly sending them sprawling across the stage. When Penelope pulled away, she practically jumped to her feet, dragging Josie with her. “My room. Now. Please?”

They held hands as they hurried off the stage, headed toward Penelope’s room. Neither of them ever noticed the blue eyes watching them from the shadows. Nor did they see the tears of happiness gathering in those eyes.

“You go girls,” Hope whispered as they disappeared from view, “It’s about time.”


End file.
